Personal Update

There are a lot of things I thought I should share on this site, that I've chosen to keep to myself. I'm not entirely sure why. Guessing, I would say this doesn't feel like it's the right format or that maybe I don't feel comfortable knowing those that read and their responses, or it could just be my nature to always hold back some secrets, to keep me safe. Yes, I'm telling you I have secrets and I'm not going to share. I think we all hold back just a little. It's human nature.

But I will share these things. Some are small things and some are not. But it is how my world is running at the moment. I finally joined a gym. While that's great news for my ass, I did it for my head. So people are blessed with minds they can just shut down. They can just be quiet within their own body. I am not one of those people. I need an outlet. A physical outlet. And as much as I love sex, it just isn't enough. Today was my third day to the gym. I get up at 4:30 every morning and head out. I try to walk 45 minutes to an hour. I find a treadmill, turn up my iPod, start the machine and close my eyes. Yes, close my eyes. I loose myself in the music and the movement. I can't imagine what I must look like from behind, but I really don't give a crap, this is something I'm only doing for me. I can already feel a difference in my mood. My body has it's own protests. But I have faith it will start to enjoy what my mind demands. The music is a huge motivator for me. Keeps me moving when I want to stop. Today was Shaggy and Dave Matthews. Which reminds me, if any of you would like to comment about workout music, I would love ideas. My iPod hungers for tunes.

Hubby has started a second job. A few hours in the evening after his regular job. It doesn't sound like big news, but there are a lot of adjustments we are trying to cope with. The kids are acting up because they miss him in the evenings and tucking them in. I miss him as he is the major source of my adult communication. And the kids and I can't stand each others company any longer. He took this job to better improve our finances. I'm extremely proud of him. His priority in life has always been to take care of his family. But the stress of finances has taken a toll. I am hoping that in the next few months we can sit down and get things straighten out and back on track. That's enough talk about that. Life is tight for a lot of people, I know. And while I worry, I know that we are a lot better off then most.

I'm still trying to resolve myself to staying home and being the homemaker. Don't get me wrong, I am a domestic goddess in my own right, I'm just not happy with it being my full time job. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I lack socialistic. My most recent conversations consist of "I'm a girl. You're a girl. We're both girls.". This conversation took place with my 3 year old in the bathroom while I'm trying to shave. Simulating, isn't it? It could be that I never get a sense of satisfaction or completion. I had to mop the kitchen floor 3 time within 15 minutes. Maybe it's the fact I never leave my work. Think about it. I sleep in my place of business. Crap, this is worse then an episode of Desperate Housewives. Next subject.

I have several friends I have been worried about. I know there is really nothing I can do to help their situation, except be there when they need me. But there is a reason this blog is titled, "You're Mine Now". It's amazing that I can be so possessive and share at the same time. Confusing I'm sure. These people may not even know that they are mine. It is not important to me that they know. I know. At this time, I can only stand by and be a silent witness to their struggles.

I think this is enough sharing for the time being. I think I will put another log on the fire and lay down for a nap. Be good to yourselves. Cherish the ones you love. S