New Things

I'm trying on some new things. Trying to get this page to feel right. I've moved things around and changed colors and in the process, I've lost some links. I've managed to find the ones I remember and eventually I'll get back the rest, or at least the ones that stay current and semi interesting.

Oso has left the country. He's away playing in the dirt somewhere. He will be back in a month or so and then leave for good, across the country, driving new women crazy.

Yes, that is longing you hear.

Goodbyes are not easy for me. I'm really good that the, "I'm so pissed off I never want to see you again" endings. Makes for a nice clean ending. Done. But this is not one of those types of endings. I know I need to let him go. I know there is someone out there much better for him. And I want that for him. However, I don't want to loose him altogether.

Over these last three years, Oso has become such a major part of my life. Music, scents, sights and sounds. So many things bring a memory of him to mind. He is one of the very few people that would stand up for me, especially when I wouldn't do it for myself. He sees to the heart of me when frankly most don't take the time to look.

There is value in that. And I know that won't change. Eventually there will be new people for both of us. I'm not worried about being replaced. We've marked each other too deeply. What I will miss is the long drives we took, just to talk. I will miss curling up in his arms and feeling small and protected and all those other million little things that made us feel connected.

So I've been trying to find my way down this road. The one where I let the one I love go and yet hold on to and cherish what is still available to me. It's a bitch of a thing to walk, but I have no doubts it's worth the journey.