Today I thought of him for a few moments and was able to smile.
I've slowly moved Oso's memory out of my home. Strike that. Out of my bedroom. There are too many memories to move him out of the house. But my bedroom is slowly becoming my own again. It's the only way I've been able to sleep. I am thinking it would be a small blow to his ego, as we spent some wonderful moments there. But entertaining ghosts of the past in such a room is heart breaking.
I still have many moments of him throughout my day. Sometimes they come unbidden, making me catch my breath and will my heart to beat again. Other times I go looking for them, smiling in the memory of the high of the moment. There were so many highs.
I suppose the right thing to do is close the door, turn my thoughts towards the future and not look back. I've had friends tell me the same in not so many words. The phrase used is 'stupid dumb boys'. However, I choose to leave the door open. Time with Oso was some of the best of my life. Why would I want to forget that? The simple answer is, I don't. So I let the ghosts come freely. I let them touch me when they float my way.