Attitude

My friend has moved out. Actually, she left over a week ago and we are still coming down from all the tension. It was not an easy stay. There were important character traits that I forgot about. The girl reeks of bitterness.

I know it makes me a lousy friend to be saying such things. So be it. I'm sure if you ask her, she would have a few choice things to say about me. Moving on.

What I wanted to talk about was attitude, not about my friend. I will admit visiting our home is like taking a long swim in the crazy pool. And I know a lot of that has to do with me being me. I have fits of anger, some might say loose morals, a twisted sense of humor, and a general lack of interest in keeping my home spotless. Some enjoy the adventure of visiting, some have no interest to do so again. To each their own.

I am also not Pollyanna. But I would say I have a fairly positive attitude. (When I don't feel the need to kill someone.) I enjoy life as much as I can. Find any excuse to have a party and laugh. I tease, make horrible smart ass comments, and feed people. It's what I do best. I try to keep in mind that even when the crap hits the fan, there are still things I can do about it. Even if it's just cleaning up the crap and move on.

I've learned that letting your past weigh you down is a miserable way to live. I've spent many years depressed and in self doubt. Enough. If I could scream one thing from the roof tops it would be, learn from the past, but leave it in the past. Better yet, simply, 'get over it'.

My friend has had many wrongs in her life. I don't think she is much different from most of us. We all have had crap happen to us that was not of our asking or choice. We've all done things that have put us in situations that increase the likely hood of loads of it landing on our doorstep. It's called living.

The last few months I was severely reminded of what happens to you when you don't let go. When you were a victim and continue doing things to become a victim over and over again. Resentment, bitterness, helplessness. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. It's ugly folks. Very ugly. And not a way you should live your life.

I know I did the right thing by helping out my friend. She is out of an abusive house and away from the knuckle dragger. I also know that she will find another one when she is ready to date. When that time comes, I'm not sure what I will do. I am not fond of rescuing someone over and over that continues to try to drown themselves.

As for right now, I'm writing this to help me let go. There are too many things to enjoy about life.

Be good to you.

S